30 September 2005

Dubai Ski Slope - Rules and Etiquette

Well it's about to open and I hear these are the rules! A funny doing the rounds so in case you have not seen it - here goes.

Dubai Ski Slope - Rules and Etiquette

1) All Emerati and GCC residents have 100% right of way at all times. They also have the right to exceed 160 kmph, make unexpected maneuvers, indicate a direction of travel and then go in the opposite direction, ensure other skiers are aware of their prescence by using the klaxons and halogen lamps (provided by management for GCC nationals only), wear more than 30% tinted sunglasses.

2) All Indian subcontinent skiers must travel in threes only. They are only allowed to ski after 2am and before 6am and should not been seen at any time outside of these hours. There shall be no breaks allowed and all skiers must ski continuously during these hours.

3) All Filipino and Russian female skiers must be aware that attention from all male skiers is to be expected and tollerated fully. If propositioned the skiers must accompany the male skier for whatever reason. They may well be paid for this and should in no way be mistaken for payment for services rendered. This in no way should be taken as a demeaning act of male assumptions.

4) All Lebanese skiers must be within 5cm of the skier in front at all times, unless Budoir / Sho Cho's are opening in which case they must vacate the slope immediately.

5) All Western Expats must observe the following - If ski-ing the expats must at all times act annoyed and frustrated with the lack of respect shown to them. They must constantly "tut" and gesture about the lack of manners shown. They should never forget that they are better than everyone else on the slope and if it wasn't for them there would be no ski slope, mall, roads, cars, power, buildings or wars. Should the expat choose to not ski and observe the slopes then they must drink excessive alcohol, wear revealing clothes, shout about "if you don't like it then leave", urinate in public and abuse all other skiers not within their Western Expat Skier Club. On no account should the expat ever attempt to make the situation any different other than writing to 7DAYS or posting on internet message boards.


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23 July 2005

Self censorship ...

Ok so two blogs on the UAE have bitten the dust or is slightly beaten up - it is a shame really - some real good stuff with a nice sense of humour from Lulu's Arabian Adventure which is undergoing a rewrite as I blog and a real factual, low critisism one from Secret Dubai Diary who has now joined the outside world which we can not see. But you can try your luck here with some more information by Hauteur Pill here.

So what can I say which has not been said before - we are in Dubai, part of the global village but in some ways constrained by self censorship.

Anyway - been to Abu Dabi today - looking for the Austrian embassy - what a shlep! Had a map which clearly showed the exact location of the embassy- first mistake!

The map showed the embassy one place but it must have moved years ago - nobody working in any of the shops knew anything until a someone finally told us it has moved. Thanks to the Etisalat Info line - quite efficient bunch - I got the number and I thought my problems where solved - I could just phone and get the directions - second mistake! .

Tried to get the direction from their button controlled, useless PBX. I must have phoned at least 15 times - but the mumblings of the canned directions was such that it was just impossible to understand and it was not a even in an Austrian accent! Next tried the operators but the person supposed to be able to help me was either busy on the phone or not in the office - another few wasted calls. Finally tried my luck by getting the directions from the operators - Man you guys may not be Austrians but you are Austria's face to the world - ever heard of client service?! When somebody calls the embassy he is your customer. No use talking down to someone who is asking for directions.


All I can say to you Mr. Austrian Ambassador- we are not amused by that little fiasco - what a waste of a day! Had to finally accept defeat and tail between the legs turn around to face the road to Dubai.

Anyway - who wants to visit Vienna - I can always save my money for a trip to the Kruger Park.

19 July 2005

Boston Bar - Ladies night ...


Was invited by a visiting friend for supper at the Boston bar. What we didn't know - it was also LADIES Night! Quite famous - have a look at Google Boston Bar Dubai

Food - the curry was good - actually very good. The beer was ... cold. The service - pretty good for Dubai - nobody died of thirst. The ambience - it could have been one of thousands of Bars all over Europe and the US and a few in other countries - filled with European faces with a good sprinkling of other Nationalities - everybody smoking as if there was no such thing as lung cancer.

What reminded me of my youth, all those many years ago was the Ladies Night concept - but with a slight twist - then maybe not. All the ladies around was my age - just like it used to be all those many years ago :) - my age. Some stil very well preserved with other sagging in some important places - just like me. Interesting to watch the normal hunting techniques going on - its just that it seemed weird - most of the people involved where not in their early twenties anymore. Some that was young enough (<28) - actually looked out of place - I had a vision of this happening in a few years time - in an old age home! AAARAGGGHHH!!!!

Anyway - after watching (or shall we say studying) the bar customers all trying to score in various ways I decided to take a Taxi home - it was just too damn depressing - where the hell did our youth go while we where not looking?

16 July 2005

The fun of driving in the UAE - all is revealed.


An Emaratis Thoughts on driving in Dubai

Quote - "Slower Speed = Longer time to get to objective = higher chance of daydreaming and wandering off into another lane whilst unaware of your surroundings = Accidents = Traffic Jams"

Picked up on his blog. Of course he is just been sarcastic .. but for some drivers it is this attitude which causes any driving in traffic to be a total screw-up, dangerous and and times just f*en unbelievable. Unfortunatley he is not joking - this is the way it works for some people - the closer you drive to the person in front of you the better driver you are - DOH!

Let me sketch you a daily trip to work

  • leave home and drive down residential street - have to swerve to avoid an accident with an idiot in a large Japanese 4x4 who either does not know there is two lanes or can't see through his darkened windows or is chatting away on his mobile or has a spare foot on the dash (or a combo of the above)
  • Join a main street and have to apply take evasive acction as a person of the female gender who does not understand the right of way and will pull out in front of on comming cars when making a U-turn ... clearly no understanding of the laws of physics Jane?
  • Then get onto out (in)famous SZ highway - now the fun starts - your Patrols and Land Cruisers with dark windows, drivers from the subcontinent in Sunnys, delivery trucks and mini buses all drive with totally incompatible styles with a good sprinkeling of other expats in luxurious and not so luxurous cars(moi!) driving like they are back home , all doing their best to add to the confusion.
  • Some people insist on driving as fast as possible, weaving from lane to lane - and we do have up to six lanes in places. So if you want to move to a slower lane make sure there is not some idiots in fast cars traveling down the slower lane, at twice the speed everybody else is doing
  • Others have got no idea what they are doing and are either tailgating you in the slow lane - this is where the one meter following distance comes in or are drifting aimlessly down the highway - permanently out of sync with the general traffic flow and changing lanes for no apparent reason without signaling.
  • Just before reaching the office - the road narrows from six to three lanes - and here it is beter to relax, turn up the CD player and 'think of a happy place - hammmnnnn'. Contrary to normal standards - here it is custom to try and get to the lanes that are closing up - that way you can pass two more cars .... maybe it has something to do with the fact that queueing does not apply here.
  • One rule everybody follows though, is never go to the slow lane to leave the highway - wait till the last moment, cut across six lanes causing maximum havoc (maybe to ensure they spend a little time as possible competing with the fast drivers for the slow lanes)
  • Then leaving the high way to the office - of course slipways is not actually there to allow traffic to leave the road - it is there for idiots to use to jump a few places in the traffic.
... and of course then you get to the office - and do your best not to rip the head off of the first person who dares to say 'Good Morning!'.

Next installment - driving in city traffic in Dubai.

PS: The photograph is just for effect - it did not happen in the UAE - our accidents are much bigger - like everything here :)

10 July 2005

.SUPERSIZE ME!!!

Stupid Movie made by stupid people for stupid people who are stupid enough to pay to watch it!!!

Do yourself a favour (Yes Favour not favor) - google SuperSize Me
Google Super Size me and

By the way they have their own website at
Stupid SuperSize me Web Site

Now sometimes I wonder about this
  • Why would anybody make this movie?
  • Even worse why would somebody put up money to have it made?
  • Even worse why would anybody pay money to watch it?


And McDonalds answer A Balanced Diet

In case you where wondering - I DID NOT SEE THE MOVIE!!!!

08 July 2005

Blogwise - get listed, get noticed and beat the google filter!!

Blogwise search Web Page

Searching for my Blog on Google, Blogwise provided the first link to it. Ever wondered how to get you blog out there on the web? Blogwise allows you to register your page and will even track your page to show when it was updated. So if you need to get that extra bit of traffic to your site, this is the way to do it.

Which brings me to something else - obviously with all the Blogging happening Google must be filtering it somehow as otherwise the noise will become just too much ... what do they filter on? There must be thousands on blogs going out all over the web every day, most of them endlessly rehashing existing information with a little slant to it(including mine of course ROTFLMAO!)

Just for interest sakes - 27 Dubai'an Blogs registered. See ( Dubai Blogs)

07 July 2005

Blogging The Fifth Nail - THIS IS SCARY

Sometimes you read something on the web that is just plain scary - Blogging The Fifth Nail - an accused kidnappers blog. It makes an interesting and chilling read - a view into somebody's mind.

See the news item for more information Wired News: Blog Bares Sex Offence

We live in a sick world and with the Internet it is right on our doorstep - no actually inside our houses as close as the screen on your PC.

Of course - he is just been accused and may still be innocent ...

09 June 2005

Blog Spam - beter watch this Big Brother!!!

I never cease to wonder at the absolute dribble that the internet continually spawns.

If you look in the top right corner of a blog on Blogspot you will see a link called Next Blog - which takes you to some apparently random blog. I sometimes just click and see what comes up. Lately I have been seeing blogs like the following - openly advertising or just bringing up some crappy references to the same crappy spam that lands in your mailbox with increasing intensity.

Guess this should be called BlogSpam - and this will put a serious dent into the fun of reading blogs - my hit rate for these rubbish blogs was about 1 to 1. Soon these Blog Bots will ruin the whole blog drive completely or we will have to move to some other Blogspam unfriendly blog place. Lots of it seems to lead to the same place
Blog Spam Central.


Some other advertising web side promotion crap:

Bridal

1 Stop Stained Glass

rqawoip

bagdzd Created about 100 posts in 12 hours

I suggest humbly to the big brothers from blogspot who are watching over us (yes bro - we know you are out there) to cut these blogs before it ruins the whole experience.

OK got that of my chest.

08 June 2005

I'm back ... under house arrest.

Hmmm back to blogging

The summer weather is with us - temperatures as I am typing this is 30C (12:00 at night) but with the 80% humidity feels like 37C. Thats right - all Dubai residents is again under house arrest until October and I am back to blogging.

So what has happened the last 9 months - very busy - the culture in the ME is slowly but surely driving me around the bend. Tomorrow is another day - trying to get something done in a hurry - which translates to anything faster than snails pace - just do not happen!

Why you may ask? grin So have I. No real answer - it must be in the water -seems to slowly creep up on you - and one day you just find yourself caught in the same paralysis. And it attacks all nationalities - somebody save me I feel the lethargy seeping into my bones - I have to get out before it is too late ...

Another interesting thing - even though everybody takes decisions at a snails pace they drive like demons as if they have to get somewhere quickly (see upcomming blog on that). But in all reality they will be late for the next meeting, appointment - in reality anything that has any type of time associated with it.

Anyway- before I step on any toes - this enough for today ... have to get some or other picture to publish as my image